Friday, January 23, 2009

A Confession

I've never told anybody this. And I don't know why it tapped into my core so badly.

The last time I tried to exercise outside was a very very long time and a great many pounds ago. I weighed like 180 and was focusing on fitness. I was by myself, on a bicycle in a flat agricultural area nearby. It isn't well traveled so I was ok about going slowly if I needed to or stopping when necessary.

I was struggling up a small grade when a car whizzed by, then screeched to a stop about 100 feet in front of me. It was an old beater and the young man on the right -- an old teenager with long hair and a ripped tee shirt -- leaned half of his body out of the car window and shouted at me "Get off the road you fat cow." He then threw an open beer in my direction and the car took off like a bat out of hell.

I stood there for the longest time, shaking. The situation felt totally unsafe, but the fact that I was being ridiculed overwhelmed me. I trembled while I struggled my way back to my car, put the bicycle in, and went home. And never did it again.

I'm sitting here trying to make myself go to the gym, all of 7 minutes away. And all I can think about is how embarrassed I am. Maybe it's an excuse but maybe not. I think I need to work on this.

3 comments:

Skinny Inside said...

That's terrible! Try to remind yourself that those guys were lashing out because of something inside theirselves, not you. It still sucks to be on the recieving end... {{{hugs to you}}} Try and go to the gym, I bet you'll feel better!

Not Claire said...

Thanks!

Jennifer Brindley said...

Unbelievable. I know how it feels to be openly ridiculed for your weight, and how much it sticks with you. I was actually pointed at and ridiculed in front of other people, and the person used much worse language. It's awful. I suppose I took comfort in the fact that there were other people in a small way... because I wasn't afraid.

All I can say is that you should really let it go out of your mind. If you find yourself thinking about it, just say, "Self, change the subject." and start daydreaming about other, positive, fun things. Or even think about what you're making for dinner, or something new you want to try. That's the way I find I get past my own memory.

Good luck, and all of us are here with you. :)

~Jenn (Ex Hot Girl)
www.exhotgirl.blogspot.com